Sex, Bananas

In 1987, PBS aired a special entitled AIDS: Changing the Rules. In an attempt to foster safe-sex practices, a host showed men how to put on a condom, a product associated with “the gays” by many heterosexual men. Of course, this was also PBS, so a banana was used in place of an actual penis.

Unfortunately, PBS failed to consider the disastrous consequences of linking sex with bananas. Below, a letter from the president of the International Banana Association to the the president of PBS. Hilarious, offensive, sad.

Dear Mr. Christiansen,

In this program, a banana is used as a substitute for a human penis in a demonstration of how condoms should be used.

I must tell you, Mr. Christiansen… that our industry finds such usage of our product to be totally unacceptable. The choice of a banana rather than some other inanimate prop constitutes arbitrary and reckless disregard for the unsavory association that will be drawn by the public and the damage to our industry that will result therefrom.

The banana is an important product and deserves to be treated with respect and consideration. It is the most extensively consumed fruit in the United States, being purchased by over 98 percent of households. It is important to the economies of many developing Latin American nations. The banana’s continued image in the minds of consumers as a healthful and nutritious product is critically important to the industry’s continued ability to be held in such high regard by the public and to discharge its responsibilities to its Latin American hosts…

Mr. Christiansen, I have no alternative but to advise you that we intend to hold PBS fully responsible for any and all damages sustained to our industry as a result of the showing of this AIDS program depicting the banana in the associational context planned. Further, we reserve all legal rights to protect the industry’s interests from this arbitrary, unnecessary, and insensitive action.

Yours very truly, Robert M. Moore