Sex with Breakfast

In blogs, as in life, there’s no better way to start than with pancakes. Golden and delicious, the world has been blessed with pancakes from time immemorium (In fact, I’d challenge you to come up with some sort of concept of time prior to pancakes. Truth is, it just can’t be done.) And as an aphrodisiac, waffles just can’t compete, no matter how much syrup they can handle.

celibate waffle-makers

Says Alan Davidson in his Oxford Companion to Food:

“The griddle method of cooking is older than oven baking, and pancakes are an ancient form. The first pancakes clearly distinguishable from plain griddle breads are sweet ones mentioned by Apicius; these were made from a batter of egg, mixed milk and water, and a little flour, fried and served with pepper and honey. An English culinary manuscript of about 1430 refers to pancakes in a way which implies that the term was already familiar, but it does not occur often in the early printed cookery books…Throughout Europe pancakes had a place among Easter foods, especially on Shrove Tuesday (or Mardi Gras), the last day before Lent. Customs varied from country to country…One peculiarly English institution is the pancake race. The oldest of these has been held at Olney in Buckinghamshire, in most years since 1445…”

Yeah yeah, Alan Davidson. You’re killing my buzz. Let’s get to what we really want: pancake erotica!

If you look really hard, you can see hot boning action.

Of course, you’ll find plenty of pancake porn in the same place you find the regular kind: the darkened bedrooms of overweight electronic store middle managers, where the only light comes from the seedy images of late-night television…

I don’t know about you, but those are some of the best money shots I’ve ever seen!

Finally, a product that will provide me with the happiness I’ve been so desperately seeking. Not only are Pancake Puffs bite-sized (“fun-sized,” even!), but they can be filled with the filling of your choice! Just use your “Gourmet Fancy Flavor Filler!” (I’ve heard that one before…)

Chocolate? Not a problem. Jam? Why not! Butter? You certainly read my mind!

Oh God, yes

The Pancake Puff people have some of their own silly ideas as well (“Meatball Sandwich Puffs,” for one), but I’m not into that crazy shit. Just drizzle me with syrup and tell me you love me.